Living on the edge and waiting for the next inevitable call that a grandchild has once again been taken off to another province separated from his father and his grandparents. The deep-rooted feeling in your heart that it has been ripped apart. Your life gets thrown off balance and it feels like you’ll never get up.
Trauma is the response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that is so painful, emotionally or physically, that it overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope. It generates emotions and unless you process these emotions at the time they occur, they can become stuck in your system, negatively affecting you both physically and psychologically.
Suppressed emotions don’t just go away, instead, they become toxic. They will keep showing up in your life, in some form of dysfunction or unhappiness, until you resolve them. The healthy flow and processing of distressing emotions like anger, sadness, grief, and fear are essential. You will never resolve underlying issues if you deny and run from your feelings.
You have to make conscious what is unconscious so that you can free yourself from your past and evolve into the life you want by making new and more empowering choices.
There is no quick fixes for the suffering associated with trauma, nor any cure. But there is hope. Working through the process of trauma can been done very effectively through different kinds of techniques. One which I use in my coaching is Trauma Induced Reduction.
TIR Traumatic Incident Reduction Therapy is a procedure that allows a person to desensitize painful experiences and reduce or eliminate the negative impact of traumatic, overwhelming events.
In order to deal with the feelings of loss it’s a good idea to allow oneself to grieve. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said, “The five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. No matter how hard we try to avoid emotional pain, it’s just not possible. Going through the emotions and allowing ourselves to feel the shame, anger, sadness, or fear, is acceptable and not feeling okay is perfectly normal. The more we attempt to hide or suppress our feelings, the stronger and more stuck they become.
Getting the support by reaching out, sitting with your feelings in silence, journaling, crying and screaming on a mountain top can be ways of releasing. Feeling grief isn’t easy, but it is the only way through in order to deal with the loss.
Change happens after allowing ourselves to process the feelings associated with the trauma and loss and accepting that things may be different. The word “accept” is an active process, one that must be practiced. It’s natural to vacillate back and forth between feelings of acceptance and feelings of resistance. Every time you practice acceptance toward something, you create and strengthen neural pathways in your brain, facilitating ease in the future.
Reaching a point of acceptance one can embrace the new reality and choose what that new reality will look like for you.
Today, I choose to surrender and trust the outcome of my new reality.